Dating culture is toxic, white teeth and rotting gums
Elon Musk can land a rocket backwards, why the fuck can’t he keep a marriage upright? Three divorces. And it’s not just him; Bezos, Gates, Depp—the list of successful people whose personal lives have fallen apart reads like some messed-up Hall of Fame.
And that’s what got me obsessing over dating and relationships lately. Not because I’m out here trying to find "the one" or desperately searching for love, but because I genuinely can’t wrap my head around it. If these guys—men who can literally change the world—can’t figure out how to keep a relationship together, then what chance do the rest of us have?
What’s even crazier is that I’m not even out here chasing love myself. I’m 23, turning 24 soon, and while most dudes my age are swiping right like it’s a sport, I’m on the sidelines, questioning why the whole damn dating scene is broken. I’ve had friends practically shove me into dating situations, trying to convince me to "just give it a shot." But honestly? It’s hard to find women I want to pursue, let alone keep pursuing once I actually meet them. And trust me, I know it’s not just me—women are struggling to find genuine connections too.
The Social Media Circus: All Surface, No Substance
Social media has completely wrecked the dating landscape. It’s like we traded genuine connection for a never-ending cycle of dopamine hits. Yeah, you get matches, likes, followers—but where’s the depth? We’ve become a society of white teeth with rotting gums: everything looks shiny on the outside, but underneath, there’s nothing but decay. Everyone’s profile is a highlight reel of perfection, but when you dig deeper, you realize how empty it all is.
People have become more closed off, more guarded. We’re all busy putting on a show, trying to keep up this image of perfection that doesn’t even exist. It’s like we’re actors in this endless reality TV show, performing for an audience that doesn’t actually give a damn. And the worst part? We start believing our own lies. We buy into this illusion of abundance, thinking we have all these options, but in reality, it's just a bunch of shallow interactions that don’t mean shit.
Why I Care About This Mess
I’m not analyzing dating culture just because I have nothing better to do. It’s because I genuinely believe that having kids is one of the ultimate ways to live life. Building something that lasts beyond yourself, passing on your legacy, and having a partner to do that with makes the journey worthwhile. It’s about finding someone who’s not just along for the ride but is helping you build that future. Most successful people I admire—at least the ones worth emulating—had someone there to help them rise.
But here’s the kicker: even those high-achievers end up divorced. Musk, Gates, Bezos—they all had the resources, the fame, the success, and yet, they still ended up alone. So, I went on a quest to figure out why. Relationships have been around since we figured out how to have sex; you'd think we’d have mastered this by now, but clearly, we’re still screwing it up.
Learning from Success and Failure
So, I started digging into what works and what doesn’t. One of the people I’ve found to be a goldmine of insights is Patrick Bet-David. There's so many videos where he gives solid advice, but here's a recent podcast episode I watched and he gave some sauce.
Now, I’ll be honest, the Full Send podcast has virtually no intellectual depth, but Patrick Bet-David carried that episode like an absolute pro. He broke down relationships in a way that made sense, and I found myself agreeing with about 90% of what he said.
Patrick talked about the importance of clear goals and values in a relationship—something most people overlook. He emphasized that if you don’t know what you want out of life, how can you expect to find someone who fits into that vision? It’s not about finding someone who’s just "there" but someone who aligns with your mission and your purpose. What resonated with me the most was his point on intentionality—how you have to be as strategic about your relationships as you are about your business or career. He explained that if you don’t have a clear plan for where you’re going, you’ll end up getting lost or, worse, dragging someone else down with you.
But it’s not enough to just listen to the success stories; you’ve also got to dive into the failures to truly understand what makes or breaks a relationship. That’s where James Sexton, a New York-based divorce attorney, comes in.
^ Here's this video he did where he talks about the harsh realities of why marriages fall apart. This dude has seen it all, and he’s brutally honest about why most relationships end up in his office.
One of Sexton’s biggest insights? Communication, or the lack thereof, is almost always at the root of the problem. He breaks down how so many couples avoid talking about the important stuff—money, sex, trust, even the little things that seem insignificant until they build up into a massive issue. It’s not that these couples didn’t love each other; it’s that they didn’t communicate in a way that allowed them to navigate life together. He mentions how financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce, not necessarily because of the money itself, but because couples don’t talk about it. It’s a taboo topic that never gets addressed until it’s too late.
He also touched on sexual intimacy and how a lot of couples never have open conversations about it. They assume things will just "work themselves out," but that’s not how it goes. Avoiding these conversations just leads to resentment, frustration, and, eventually, a complete breakdown in the relationship. Sexton’s insights made me realize that understanding and addressing potential issues upfront can save a lot of heartache down the road.
Both Patrick Bet-David and James Sexton made it clear that success and failure in relationships often boil down to being intentional and transparent. You need to have difficult conversations, lay out your expectations, and understand that if you’re not upfront about your needs, you’re setting yourself up for failure. It’s not enough to just find someone you vibe with—you need to build a foundation that can weather the storms life throws your way.
The Reality Check: Navigating the Dating Dumpster Fire
So, where does that leave me? Honestly, still in the middle of trying to make sense of it all. I know what I want in theory, but finding it in this toxic dating culture feels impossible. Social media hasn’t made this any easier. It’s turned dating into a game of projecting the perfect image, rather than building real connections. We’re more interested in capturing the perfect couple selfie than in actually creating a real bond.
It’s like we’re all playing this game without even knowing the rules. And because of that, it feels like genuine connection has become this rare, almost mythical thing that only a few people are lucky enough to find.
Stop “Fucking Around and Finding Out”
So here’s the big takeaway, the one thing I’m learning from all this: Before you even think about getting into the dating scene, write down what you want. I mean it. Grab a pen, open up a notes app, whatever—just do it. Because the biggest issue I see is that people are just out here fucking around and finding out, thinking that’s the way to go. They wander from one person to the next, hoping they’ll stumble into the perfect relationship, but without ever knowing what they actually want or need in the first place.
And you know what happens when you do that? You hurt people. You end up in situations where two people, who had no business being together in the first place, try to force something that was never meant to be. It’s not just about avoiding toxic partners—it’s about not becoming one yourself. Most toxic relationships? They aren’t just one person’s fault. More often than not, it’s two people who came into something blindly, not realizing how much damage they were capable of doing to each other.
But maybe, just maybe, if we stop “fucking around and finding out,” if we start being intentional about who we’re looking for and what we’re building, we might just find something worth keeping.
Until then, I’m still here, figuring it out. And I’m okay with that. Because at least I know I’m not blindly jumping into something just to feel like I’m part of the game. And if you’re out there, still wandering without a clue, maybe it’s time you start asking yourself what you really want, too.
To end here is a solid funny relationship video that psychologically analyzes how men and women treat relationships, the only dating video that you need. Yes, I am addressing the men who watch dating red pill videos:
